Thursday, March 31, 2022

Things That Are Actually Totally Fine

Last year I turned 40. I've never been a person who cared much about what others thought, but there is something about aging that makes you really not care. I think you just realize that life is too short to put up with things you don't want to, and to live in ways that are not authentic. Here is my permission slip to do things that actually totally fine.

Watching TV while wearing a firefighter costume, living her best life.

Letting your kid watch TV or use a tablet: Anytime I read a parent's shameful admission that they let their kid have any sort of screen time, I am a little sad. This admission is usually followed by a caveat like, "But they only play educational games" or "She only uses it on the weekend/days off/certain number of hours a day." I am here to tell you that letting your kid watch TV or play games on an iPad is totally fine. Ok, don't let your 3 year old watch Nightmare on Elm Street, but if they want to watch every Disney movie 500 times, hallelujah! Letting my kids watch TV is literally the only thing that allows me to have any rest, downtime, or time to work on any of my own projects. I grew up in the 80s, so of course we didn't have tablets or streaming. My family didn't even have cable. But I sure played a lot of Nintendo, and I managed to become a contributing member of society. Let the guilt go! Do what you feel comfortable with and what works for you, and don't judge others for how their families work.

Reading whatever you want: I know several people who describe their preferred genres as "trash." How did certain types of books get labeled as trash anyway? I'd guess it was by Judgey McJudgersons who believe that only classics or literary fiction or award winners are the only worthy types of literature. There are many different reasons for reading, but most people read to be entertained. We don't judge people who watch superhero movies over black-and-white classics, right? (Well, we shouldn't.) If you like to read vampire romances, fantasy in outer space, or the same police procedural format over and over, have at it! We only get to read a finite number of books in our lifetime, so make sure to read what you like.

Chocolate mini wheats for a snack. They're really good.

Eating without guilt: Honestly this could be a whole post in itself. Diet culture is everywhere, telling us what food is "bad" and what food is "clean" or "healthy." These determinations are completely arbitrary. Bacon is bad if you're on a plant-based-whole-foods diet, but it's just fine if you're on Paleo or Keto*. Fruit is good for you because it has antioxidants and fiber but it's also terrible because OMG so much sugar! Most of us have been conditioned to think in a certain, limited way about food. These thoughts have the power to literally destroy people's lives. Everyone is on their own journey so please seek professional help should disordered eating impact your mental and/or physical health. For everyone else, I just ask that you question your beliefs.

Not Hustling: At work, I've been a people manager for nearly 10 years. There are people who want to climb the ladder, get constant promotions, eventually be a CEO. There are also people who have had the same job for 15 years and are amazing at it. I love those people! They have found balance in their lives and have committed to what they like doing and are good at it. You don't have to have a side hustle; you don't have to grow your business; you don't have to be constantly seeking improvement. How about that?!

So, tell me: what else is actually totally fine?

*Don't even get me started.

12 comments:

  1. Brilliant! "Don't yuck someone's yum," is an expression I learned from the young folks living here, and I think it should be broadly and liberally applied everywhere! I just wrote up a post where I am celebrating the idea that we should have hobbies we are bad at, and I think this fits in nicely with reading what we like, and eating food, and not hustling! More than ever, we could all stand to do things that make our lives gentle, happy, comfortable! Cheers to you for these totally fine suggestions.

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    1. I love that phrase! I also liked what you wrote about hobbies - not everything has to be monetized, and we don't have to be the best at everything. I think life in general is just better when we don't put arbitrary pressures on ourselves.

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  2. As someone who's now ___ years old, I endorse the message of this post. For a long time I worked in an industry filled with workers who were content hanging out indefinitely at the bottom rung of the ladder. The work wasn't that important. It was never worth yelling about. Nobody ever worked nights or weekends. In short, it was totally fine. (Until we were bought by another company and had to deal with layoffs and outsourcing and all the Bad Things, but that's another story.)

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    1. That sounds like the ideal workplace (besides the being bought out part). I really enjoy working with people who have a reasonable approach to work. I work in the pharmaceutical industry so yes, sometimes things are actually a big deal. But sometimes they are not, and all sort of stress is manufactured for no reason.

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  3. I LOVE this post. Every single point you make I was just nodding my head in agreement.
    "But they only play educational games" is something I have literally never said. The closest my kids get to educational videos is Wild Kratts. The watch, as Laura Vanderkam worded it, "gobs of screens." They also do lots of cool stuff with friends, spend huge amounts of time outside...and are generally well adjusted. But they watch a lot of screens.
    The food thing hits so close to home as the last 2-3 the years I've really been battling with the good vs. bad food thing. I think I've finally come to the realization that I should aim to eat foods that make me feel good. Most of the time that is healthy foods - I don't feel good when I eat dairy or much gluten. But I eat them in moderation when it works for my physical and mental health. Granola on yogurt - I refuse to look at the calorie count because it's just delicious and, frankly, who cares!

    Also totally fine:
    - Not having my kids involved in almost any extracurriculars.
    - Not exercising as much as others. I don't currently do yoga or running or strength-training. I walk. That is it. And it's better than being totally fine - it's great!

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    1. It's all about balance! Most of us look at our screens a lot during the day too, and manage to fulfill our responsibilities, so we shouldn't expect anything different of kids. It sounds like you have a great approach to food - it's all about listening to your own body and making your own decisions. And yogurt/granola/fruit is one of the greatest combinations of all time.

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  4. Sarah, I love this post so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. I hope you have watched 30 Rock so you get that reference. If not, oh well. IT'S TOTALLY OKAY TO WANT TO GET A BLOG POST PREGNANT.

    I am with you 100% on this, particularly the food and diet culture. Hey, I just bought strawberry mini wheats and they are f*cking delicious. I haven't tried chocolate but you can bet I'm going to, if we have them here, that is.

    It's Friday and I am going to eat the f*ck out of a bag of kettle corn this evening. Also, screen time, meh, who cares. WHO CARES. I can tell you when they are teens, if the worst thing that's happening is that they are playing on their phones, it's not that bad.

    LOVE THIS POST.

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    1. This may be the greatest blog comment of all time. 30 Rock is the best show ever made and since it's about me, Liz Lemon, I have seen every episode multiple times. I didn't know about strawberry mini wheats but I'm so glad I do now! At the end of the day, it's all about allowing yourself to experience the joy of living.

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  5. You are so right that we feel we have to justify these things in the ways that we do as we are being judged. Where that judgement comes from is so difficult to pin point, it is like we collectively believe these things but when we stopped to think about why we believe them we have no reasons that we can come up.

    When it comes to food I think it is a little more complicated, there are some foods that are bad for folks in the sense that they are sensitivities or more seriously an allergy in this case one persons bad is another absolute favourite. There is one food I would add to the 'bad' list and that is refined sugar, research has shown this to be a toxic substance for our bodies to digest. This same research has been suppressed for years by lobbying from the sugar industry itself so most people are not aware of the effect of it, I always recommend the book pure, white and deadly to anyone who is in doubt. I was not a big sugar eater before I read it but I have stopped completely now.

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    1. You are definitely right that everyone needs to make their own choices, especially if you have a medical condition that is affected by diet. I personally cannot eat high-fat dairy, and I don't do so because the effect on my stomach is something I do not wish to experience. But, that's not to say that cheesecake is inherently bad; if someone else enjoys it, more power to them!

      It's really just about not judging others. I personally do not believe that sugar is toxic, but if it's something you are happy to cut out of your life and has improved your mind and body, that's great!

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  6. I love your attitude to life. Enjoy this week in the way that makes you happy.

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  7. At 52, I am so with you on what I worry about. My daughter watched TV and is an honor student so apparently it doesn't rot the brain! I would add that we all should appreciate how we look right now. I remember when I was 40 and I felt I looked "old" and fat. Fast forward to now and I look at those photos and think I was looking young and pretty. I'm trying not to judge myself harshly. When I'm 80, I'm going to look at 52 year old me and remember how young and spritely I felt. I don't want to regret not appreciating it while I'm experiencing it.

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